ArcaMax

"We got an invitation to something," I said to my husband as I opened the elegant beige envelope with our names handwritten in calligraphy.

"What is it?" he wondered aloud.

I scanned the invitation. "It's a dinner party for John and Cheryl's anniversary," I said. I read over the rest of the invite and groaned.

"What?"

"The dress is 'fancy ...Read more

"Don't move," I said softly to my mom as we sat having lunch at an outdoor cafe.

"What is it?" she asked in a somewhat alarmed tone.

"There is a spider hanging from your hat," I replied. "But I'll get it." Even though I am deathly afraid of spiders, I felt it was my duty, as my mother's only daughter, to risk life and limb and remove the ...Read more

As spring moves into summer, one of the things I can be confident of is that my chances of getting exposed to poison ivy go up significantly. For some reason, this seems to be a challenge for me every summer. It has happened every year like clockwork for the 30 years we have been living in the 'burbs, so one would naturally think after such a ...Read more

"Honey, do we have any sunscreen?" my husband asked.

"Yes," I responded. "I bought, like, a case of it years ago."

"You know that stuff expires, right?"

I actually didn't. I thought sunscreen lasted forever, like Twinkies and Dick Van Dyke. So when I checked out the expiration dates on the sunscreens, I was dismayed to discover that they ...Read more

When I was a kid, we had a Siberian husky named Sasha. My dad decided on a Siberian husky because he wanted a dog that had blue eyes like he did.

Not that he's shallow or anything.

Sasha was a chewer. He wasn't just a dog toy chewer or bone chewer. Sasha was an indiscriminate chewer and was so good at chewing that he could have competed ...Read more

Given the choice between using a regular door and a revolving door, I always choose the regular door. I've been that way since birth. OK, maybe not birth -- I'm fairly certain there was no revolving door where I made my way into the world. But for as long as I can remember, I have been reluctant to go through them. No, not reluctant. Phobic. ...Read more

For a long time, I was a dedicated slow cooker fan, which worked well when my kids were little and I could dump everything in the pot in the morning and then pull it out ready to go at dinnertime. But once the kids left the nest and I was just cooking for two, it seemed like a good time to give a pressure cooker a whirl.

My friends had been ...Read more

When I woke up, I felt fine. However, by noon, one side of my nose was stuffed up. And by dinnertime, I had a full-blown, eye-watering, nose-dripping, knock-the-dog-over-with-my-sneezes head cold.

"Maybe it's allergies," said my husband as I let out another sonic boom of a sneeze.

"I've never had allergies before," I replied

"There's always...Read more

I've had issues with my lower back in the past. It usually happens when I'm doing something strenuous, like putting on my socks. Because of this, I typically never know when it will strike. It's kind of like knowing someone around the corner is going to hit you with a freight train, except you don't know which corner or how they came to be ...Read more

I recently moved, and in case you didn't know, moving is No. 3 in the top five most stressful things in your life. No. 2 is divorce, and No. 1 is death of a loved one. Having just moved, I can tell you with certainty that No. 3 can often be the cause of No. 2 and No. 1.

Of course, this might sound silly, especially considering all that's ...Read more

OK, fellas, you may want to check out of this column.

I want to talk about bras. No, not the sexy, what-woman-in-her-right-mind-would-wear-this-to-go-food-shopping bras. I'm talking about the everyday, full-coverage, gets-the-job-done-without-a-jiggle bras.

For most of my bra-wearing life, I've managed to find the right size bra that made me...Read more

I winced as we sat in the audience of an experimental music concert played by a string quartet. Calling it music was being generous. It was more like the sound of a subway car screeching on the tracks, mixed with nails on a chalkboard -- and choruses of crying babies on an airplane.

"I don't get it," I whispered to my husband as the quartet ...Read more

Me: "Hi. This is Tracy Beckerman. I need to schedule a follow-up appointment with the plumber."

Plumber's Assistant: "Hey, my sister's name is Tracy. That's so funny! Do you spell it with an 'e' or no 'e'?"

Me: "Um, no 'e'."

PA: "My sister doesn't spell it with an 'e,' either. I mean, who needs an extra letter for no reason. LOL!"

Me: "...Read more